Love Actually

Its been a while since I've written anything personal. (Hopefully, I'm not too rusty!)

They say that we only fall in love with three people in our lifetime and each for a specific reason. The first is of course, your first love. He's the first one to give you butterflies in the stomach, the first time you had to factor in someone else in your decisions, the first person you think about when you wake up and the same person you think about before you sleep. You will probably meet him when you are young. As you get older, both of you will change. Most couples aren't able to handle the stress. They end up growing apart and later on break up because they are still too immature to fully understand what loving someone means.

The next one, they call as the lesson. It could a good or a bad one. He's the one who defines love for you. Usually, he's the complete opposite of your first love. You choose him because he makes you feel different. You're suddenly willing to try new things. He brings out another side of you and he makes you feel alive. You have never felt so much passion that it consumes you. When things are good, they are great, but when things go down south, he hurts you; yet you continue to defend him time and time again. One day, you will finally wake up and realize that someone who loves you won't let you go through that kind of pain. It is time to walk away and wait for the one who does deserve you.

Lastly, the one. This is tricky because you will never really know when he has entered your life but he is the one who is going to make you understand why it didn't work out with the others. He's the one you're going to want to change your ways for. You would risk everything for his happiness. You will want to be a better person even if it means sacrificing things that you love because you know you'll get so much more in return, you get the love of your life. Things won't go perfectly but you will see how you are perfect for each other. You complement one another. You start to picture your future together. Where you will live, how many kids you want, and what kind of parents you will be. Hold on to him.

This doesn't mean you only get three boyfriends or date three guys in your life. It just means there are three people who enter your life who will stand out. Remember to thank them because they've shown you love. There are a lot of things that seem like love but isn't love. Real love isn't easy to come by these days.

Lets just say that I'm still searching for the one. I've been quiet for sometime because I wasn't ready to say the words. Saying it out loud would mean that it was really over. I was trying to convince myself that there was hope. If you're on the same boat that I am right now, I want to let you know that you're not alone. Surround yourself with people who love you. My friends and family are the ones who kept me strong the past month. It's never easy losing someone especially when you've spent years building a life together, sharing your inner most thoughts, and relied on having them by your side. It's hard to accept when it's time to move on. I know you want to believe that he will come back to you. You patiently wait and pray everyday for answers. You still constantly look at your phone expecting him to say the words you want to hear. You even try to beg him to work things out again in hopes that maybe he'll be able to see what you're worth. Unfortunately, weeks go by and all you get from him is the cold shoulder. That's your sign that it is time to let go. He clearly no longer cares about you. The next thing you know, your friends will tell you that they saw him in a club or that he already has a new girl. It will hurt like hell but take comfort in knowing that someone will come along to piece your heart back together. What is important is that you learned. You will get through this. You will find love again.

Love actually is such a beautiful thing. No matter how many times I've been hurt, I will always choose love. Yes, it's difficult, painful, and half the time you feel like you're going crazy but when you've found the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, it will all be worth it. My friends call me a hopeless romantic because as silly as it sounds, I do believe in fairytale endings and happily ever after. No one can tell me I deserve any less.

One day, someone will accept me for all my flaws and and still tell me I'm perfect.

Photos by Heidi Sarol

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